As I walk down the halls of many of our high and middle schools I see girls and boys gazing into one another’s eyes, holding hands, hugging endlessly, kissing, and giving a quick smooch.  Many of our youth are courting, hooking-up, dating, going out, “just talking”, chilling, or just hanging out.  Are you clueless as to what I’m writing about?  Don’t worry so am I, and so are our youth.  When discussing the importance of establishing clear boundaries and standards initially in a dating relationship, I begun first asking the students what’s the purpose of dating.  Listed below are their responses:

To get to know someone

To avoid being lonely

To have someone by your side and to “have your back”

Just because……

To get experience

Hmmmm….. I DON’T KNOW

They all agreed that these are not sufficient reasons to date. When the students actually thought it through most of them agreed that they really didn’t know its purpose.  When we don’t know the purpose of something chances are we will tend to abuse it.  Whenever we use something abnormally, that’s considered abuse.  I stated that the initial purpose for dating and/or courting was to find your potential husband or wife and to determine if you all are compatible for marriage.  During the dating/courting scene you spend time meeting parents, taking part in one another’s hobbies and interests, communicate honestly, are a little more exclusive and everyone now know that you’ve taken it a step further than just friends, and continue to allow one another space to develop in other areas of your life.  This exemplifies a healthy dating or courting relationship.  I continue to stress in the classroom that in every relationship we get into we give of ourselves and we receive of others.   The previous is okay if both are uplifting and bettering one another.   If we keep in mind the purpose of dating, we can avoid abusing one another mentally, verbally, socially, physically, and spiritually.

Do you need help explaining to your youth the importance of a healthy dating relationship?  Perhaps you need help determining what healthy and unhealthy relationships look like.  For more info about healthy vs. unhealthy relationships, visit this article. You can also refer to some of On Point’s brochures, Is it Love and Safe or Sorry. Quite naturally our youth are going to be attracted to the opposite sex and desire companionship with one another.  Let’s help them do this in a healthy and productive way by communicating the do’s and don’ts in relationships.